Patience vs Time

Getting the kids up and dressed and ready for school today, I continued to try to remain positive. And gentle. And loving and appreciative of the fact that them. There was some deep breathing. There was some "taking a moment." But there was also some stopping and looking and listening. Stopping myself from constantly trying to nudge them toward our goal of leaving the house. Looking at their beautiful faces and listening to their creative language and the tone of their voices. Listening to what they wanted to tell me (Maury is from Africa and likes to eat Panamanian soup, which is African, since Panama is in Africa while I was helping them get dressed). Looking at what they wanted to show me (a snowplow plowing a driveway on the next street over while we were supposed to be eating breakfast.

Because paying attention to them, for my own sake, is a priority for me. But so is getting to school on time. And because I want them to feel to feel that their home is a safe and happy place. Because I want them to remember me as  to be present in the moment.

The other day I started reading World Enough & Time, On Creativity and Slowing Down by Christian McEwan. I stopped because I was reading a sample on my Kindle app, and I think I might like to have the brick and mortar book better. One big thing I got from the first chapter or two was that many people have had an experience that slowing down, even just consciously doing things more slowly, can make it seem like there is more time, even to the point of getting more things checked off the old To-Do list on a Saturday that on a Saturday spent rushing around. This seems difficult to believe, but as I am desperate to feel a roominess in time, I am trying to slow down. I have a lot more to say about this, but will hopefully do that another day.

For today, what I want to say is this: on a practical level, when dealing with my 3- and 5-year-old, on this particular Tuesday morning, not only did I enjoy the morning more than I would have with constant nudging and trying to shut them down any time they strayed from the goal, the boys seemed more willing to move forward and less likely to dig in their heels or tune me out. In sum: I felt that my acting as if there were plenty of time actually resulted in greater efficiency in getting up and out the door.

UPDATE 4 jan 2012 (the next day) lest you get the wrong impression of me:  Another thing that helped me have such a patient morning yesterday was the fact that I got up at my husband's regular time (5:50) as I usually do, and the kids didn't get up until after 7 (very rare) so I actually had time to get myself dressed, empty the dishwasher, get breakfast going, etc. That makes a HUGE difference,  rather than, say, top use this morning as an example, one kid getting up at 5:50 and fussing at me for an hour to "pick me up!!!" while I'm trying to get dressed, gather the laundry, etc. I also feel I should add that I had a nice, calm morning yesterday, but after picking up my 3-y-o at school and eating lunch with him, I completely hit a wall (partly because I am getting over the worlds most lingering cold and partly because I always get tired after lunch) and found myself being very short and impatient and not interested in appreciating anything other than laying down on the couch with my eyes closed.

It is almost 9 am

Got back from dropping the kids off at school and taking a short walk, and I looked at the clock, and thought, Geez, it's almost 9 am, and I haven't gotten anything done. Then I decided to reframe:


It's not even 9 am, and I helped the kids get up, get dressed, eat a healthy breakfast, brush teeth, wash faces, and get to school on time, all with a largely positive attitude, little nagging, etc. Then I took a short walk. In addition, I have remembered to slow down a number of times, and have not given in entirely to a feeling that I am being suffocated by all the stuff that needs I would like to get done. I would say that those are some REALLY IMPORTANT things that you have done already today.

I also realized that at the same time that I obsess about whether it's right to send the kids to preschool, shortening the time I spend with them each day, and am I being selfish, etc., etc., I have a number of habits that lead to my not actually enjoying the time I do spend with them, because either I'm trying to get something else done (make dinner), or I am trying to get them to do something (get ready for school).