The Big Rocks, Part IV: the Point!

I wrote this in my first post, where it was already 9 am and I "hadn't even gotten anything done," but I decided to reframe:

It's not even 9 am, and I helped the kids get up, get dressed, eat a healthy breakfast, brush teeth, wash faces, and get to school on time, all with a largely positive attitude, little nagging, etc. Then I took a short walk...I would say that those are some REALLY IMPORTANT things that you have done already today.

Well, when I look back at my day at the end of each day, I tend to see Important Things from the To Do List that I didn't do, like organize the office or update my will. And then I see lots of sand and pebbles that I used to fill up my jar. Little, urgent things, like cleaning the kitchen and doing the laundry and making dinner, that couldn't possibly count as Big Rocks. And I feel like once again, I have failed. I have let the big rocks slide and have only wet sand to show for it. 

So I am taking a stab at reframing this. Taking Gretchen Rubin's idea of a chart where I can compare how I did today, but replace resolutions with, I don't know what to call them. Goals? Big rocks?

Is this possible? Can I stop to reframe at the end of each day, and maybe see that all this sand really builds up into these hugely important rocks?

I made a draft of a list of Big Rocks so that at the end of the day, or maybe even throughout the day,  I can go over my day and say, this thing that I did that seemed like an inconvenience and a distraction? This was part of a huge rock. Instead to going down a list of resolutions and checking off things I did, and seeing where I've failed, I'll go through my day and see how the little things were actually part of bigger things.

The list needs work. But here are a few Big Rocks that I think may help me see things differently:

• Look for opportunities to create a network of local friends. Example: The phone rang just before I was about to start my exercises, and I answered it, even though I had just enough time to exercise before preschool pickup. Mistake? No! I was able to talk to my neighbor about keeping an eye on her house while she's out of town, and she also asked me over for coffee another day. I took an opportunity to create a network of local friends, and that is very important!
• Take care of my physical, mental, and emotional needs. Example: I was feeling like I was catching a cold, so I didn't do all my exercises, and I didn't walk. Giant failure? No! I was taking care of my physical needs.
• Help the kids learn how to take care of their toys and books/themselves/their home. Example: I spent 10 minutes working with the boys to clean up a plant they knocked over. Waste of time? Inconvenience? No! I was helping them learn how to take care of their home, and that's very important!

I tried this last night, and it sort of worked, but I think my list of Big Rocks needs work. I'll let you know how it goes. Feel free to comment and let me know what you think. And, boy, am I relieved to finally finish this train of thought!

Crazy Idea?: February Bread Challenge

In The Happiness Project, the Gretchen Rubin occasionally gives herself a challenge, such as the Week of Extreme Nice. Here is her explanation:

What is “Extreme Nice”? It’s an extreme sport like bungee jumping or skydiving—pushing the envelope, exerting myself beyond my ordinary efforts, finding new depths in myself to meet the hardest challenges. And I can do it in my own home.

So this week I intend to be utterly nice to [my husband]. No criticism. No pestering. No bickering. Jumping up to do whatever he asks me to do, responding enthusiastically to his every suggestion.

Maybe I need a challenge like this? According to GR, being happier requires you to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth. I have grown in many ways since becoming a mom 5 1/2 years ago, but these ways were largely chosen for me and out of necessity, by this or that Parenting Challenge. Now I finally feel like I can attempt a little growth for myself. I have a few areas of my life in mind that could use some attention, and this challenge would address a couple of them. Here's my idea: make bread every day for a month.

In order to get really good at something, in order to become an expert, you need to do it A LOT. Like, for 10,000 hours. I'm not proposing spending 20 hours/week for 10 years making bread. I don't need to do it that well. But it's certainly something I'd like to get better at, and I think a lot of baking for a few weeks would take me to the next level.

Gretchen Rubin also says that it's easier to do something EVERY DAY than to do it every other day or every few days. I have definitely noticed this with exercise. And with this blog.

But that would result in a lot of bread, especially considering that I am currently working on ways to increase efficiency by baking more than one loaf at a time and freezing the extra. Even though we have a pretty big freezer, 1 or 2 loaves a day for 29 days--or 21 days if I do only week days--or 25 days if I were to only take one day a week off--that would be a lot of bread. So there's another component to the Bread Challenge.

A friend from Cleveland, Emily, has been making pies (a. lot. of. pies.) since last summer, and blogging about it at her blog, Pie Eyed. A couple of months ago, she started giving away pie once a week to someone she encountered in her daily life who brightened her day: the oil-change guy; the lady at the convenience store; the guy who works as Subway. She calls it Pie It Forward. Maybe I could give away fresh-baked bread?

We have only lived in this area for 4 years, and the first couple I was either pregnant or taking care of a baby, and I don't tend to learn new areas very well, and I am not always one to jump in and meet someone new because I do a lot of second-guessing myself, and I always want to find ways to help the community but it can be a project to figure out where, say, Ronald McDonald House is and do they take used toys, or do they have a rule against it, etc.

So I think this would

1. Get me out in the community, meeting neighbors on our street as well as learning where a place like the Ronald McDonald House is;
2. Give me a chance to do something nice for other people, which will hopefully lift their spirits as well as my own;
3. Give me a chance to thank people who have helped me out in the past, like the Bunny Foster Home Lady who gave me a bucket of bunny poop for my garden and who works really hard helping bunnies find homes--gratitude is an important way to help you appreciate the Abundance in your life;
4. Get me chatting and connecting with new people--who knows? I may even make a friend, which would help me feel more Abundance; and
5. Help me to share what I have, which I believe is a big way to feel Abundance.

I don't know if or how I'm going to do it. If I do it, I will definitely post about it on my blog. I will leave you now with a quote I found on the Internet yesterday that probably doesn't really apply, but here it is anyway:

"Bread for myself is a material question. Bread for my neighbor is a spiritual one."  -- Nikolai Berdyaev

Another small victory in my struggle with Time (and how I feel there's not enough of it) Part II

Right. It's been a few days since I started this story. Here is Part I of this post.

So that morning, Tuesday it was, I had a haircut. And as part of an effort to be able to go to a wedding  and look nice, I had the woman who cuts my hair give me part two of a tutorial on how to do an updo, using the curlers I got for Christmas, hairspray, mousse, and bobby pins, none of which I have used for at least 20 years, if ever. So it was good, and I felt like I was working toward a goal, plus, I had a nice conversation with my haircutter, who is very different from me in a lot of ways (e.g., I have never in my life used hot curlers before), but I've been seeing her every few months for 3 years or so, and I feel like we are pals.

Then I did something that I am very proud of. Since I was already out, I had a long list of errands I could run: things that have been on the list for weeks that I could finally cross off, but weren't exactly urgent. So instead of doing the easiest ones, or the most fun ones, I looked at my list and thought about how much time I really had for errands if I wanted to be able to do my exercises and laundry and blog post and not be late for preschool pickup. I also thought about which things would actually improve my quality of life for the rest of the day or week or have long-term benefits if done sooner rather than later. Picking up the photos I ordered would be fun and easy, but might take a while, and could be done just as easily next week, while looking for a piece of 2-inch webbing to do my physical therapy exercises correctly would mean that I was able to start doing my exercises that morning. Picking up the base for the birdfeeder would mean getting to watch the birds out the kitchen window, but a quick trip to the grocery store would mean we had some staples we were running out of as well as something for dinner.

So I made my choices, and took the time to call around (even though I hate calling around) to figure out where I might find 2-inch webbing, and finally decided that the fabric store next to the grocery store that was on the way home would be my best chance, with an outdoor store across the parking lot as backup. Well. I went to the fabric store, asked at the front where to find the webbing, marched the the fabric counter, and found someone else who was buying some of the exact thing I needed! I chatted with her (which I really enjoyed) and then bought what I needed. I even thought to look for a coupon on my phone, and found one for 50% off! Then I looked at some craft things that I like that were on sale, but decided not to buy any. Lately, the thrill I get from deciding not to buy things is even bigger than the thrill I get from returning things I don't really need. Then I made a lightning-fast trip to the grocery, and made it home in time to exercise and write the first half of this blog post.

I felt really good about all these things. In the past, I would have been overly optimistic about how long things would take, and I would have tried to do all my errands, starting with the fun and easy ones rather than the important ones, and wouldn't have called around before shopping for the webbing, and probably wouldn't have found it or had time to exercise or blog.

So. When I stopped to put something in my kids' room on my way up to exercise, I saw the big basket of laundry to be put away. Normally, my mind would have immediately raced to my giant To Do list, and I would have had the world-falling-in-on-my-head feeling.

But this time I skipped that. I immediately thought of all the really valuable things I'd gotten done this morning, and actually felt really excited about the fact that I'd connected with people, gotten food to feed my family, enabled myself to effectively do my PT exercises, and learned how to put my hair up for dressy occasions, not to mention that I had been honest with myself about which errands could be put off and how much time I had this morning for errands. It felt like a big victory.

Another small victory in my struggle with Time (and how I feel there's not enough of it) Part I

Today I had an appointment for a haircut. When I first realized yesterday that I did not have a morning free of commitments other than my usual list of things like cleaning up the kitchen, laundry, exercise, blogging, etc., my first thought was Geeeeeez. Another day when I am NOT going to be able to mop the floor.

Now, don't get the wrong idea here. I have mopped the floor of this house once since we moved in three and a half years ago (now, again, don't get another wrong idea; until recently, we paid someone to come do a minimal cleaning once a month, which kept everything from being disgusting, if not actually clean, most of the time). It's not like I'm addicted to mopping. But now that I have 3 hours "free*" "every**" weekday, I feel like there's no reason I shouldn't be mopping my own floor at least once a month.

So now I am out of time, and all I've done is set this story up, but haven't gotten to the point. I will make this Part I and hope that tomorrow I remember what it was I wanted to say.

*free, except for 45 minutes of exercise, the cleaning of the kitchen, laundry, urgent errands, newly-prioritized attempts to lift my spirits by talking to friends on the phone or seeing friends in person, volunteering at school, prepping dinner, and, until recently, trying to get ready for Christmas, etc.


**every, except for when someone's home sick, or I have physical therapy, or I'm sick, or I have some other doctor's appointment, etc.

It is almost 9 am

Got back from dropping the kids off at school and taking a short walk, and I looked at the clock, and thought, Geez, it's almost 9 am, and I haven't gotten anything done. Then I decided to reframe:


It's not even 9 am, and I helped the kids get up, get dressed, eat a healthy breakfast, brush teeth, wash faces, and get to school on time, all with a largely positive attitude, little nagging, etc. Then I took a short walk. In addition, I have remembered to slow down a number of times, and have not given in entirely to a feeling that I am being suffocated by all the stuff that needs I would like to get done. I would say that those are some REALLY IMPORTANT things that you have done already today.

I also realized that at the same time that I obsess about whether it's right to send the kids to preschool, shortening the time I spend with them each day, and am I being selfish, etc., etc., I have a number of habits that lead to my not actually enjoying the time I do spend with them, because either I'm trying to get something else done (make dinner), or I am trying to get them to do something (get ready for school).