The Big Rocks, Part IV: the Point!

I wrote this in my first post, where it was already 9 am and I "hadn't even gotten anything done," but I decided to reframe:

It's not even 9 am, and I helped the kids get up, get dressed, eat a healthy breakfast, brush teeth, wash faces, and get to school on time, all with a largely positive attitude, little nagging, etc. Then I took a short walk...I would say that those are some REALLY IMPORTANT things that you have done already today.

Well, when I look back at my day at the end of each day, I tend to see Important Things from the To Do List that I didn't do, like organize the office or update my will. And then I see lots of sand and pebbles that I used to fill up my jar. Little, urgent things, like cleaning the kitchen and doing the laundry and making dinner, that couldn't possibly count as Big Rocks. And I feel like once again, I have failed. I have let the big rocks slide and have only wet sand to show for it. 

So I am taking a stab at reframing this. Taking Gretchen Rubin's idea of a chart where I can compare how I did today, but replace resolutions with, I don't know what to call them. Goals? Big rocks?

Is this possible? Can I stop to reframe at the end of each day, and maybe see that all this sand really builds up into these hugely important rocks?

I made a draft of a list of Big Rocks so that at the end of the day, or maybe even throughout the day,  I can go over my day and say, this thing that I did that seemed like an inconvenience and a distraction? This was part of a huge rock. Instead to going down a list of resolutions and checking off things I did, and seeing where I've failed, I'll go through my day and see how the little things were actually part of bigger things.

The list needs work. But here are a few Big Rocks that I think may help me see things differently:

• Look for opportunities to create a network of local friends. Example: The phone rang just before I was about to start my exercises, and I answered it, even though I had just enough time to exercise before preschool pickup. Mistake? No! I was able to talk to my neighbor about keeping an eye on her house while she's out of town, and she also asked me over for coffee another day. I took an opportunity to create a network of local friends, and that is very important!
• Take care of my physical, mental, and emotional needs. Example: I was feeling like I was catching a cold, so I didn't do all my exercises, and I didn't walk. Giant failure? No! I was taking care of my physical needs.
• Help the kids learn how to take care of their toys and books/themselves/their home. Example: I spent 10 minutes working with the boys to clean up a plant they knocked over. Waste of time? Inconvenience? No! I was helping them learn how to take care of their home, and that's very important!

I tried this last night, and it sort of worked, but I think my list of Big Rocks needs work. I'll let you know how it goes. Feel free to comment and let me know what you think. And, boy, am I relieved to finally finish this train of thought!

The Big Rocks, Part III

I think I'm really going to get to the point this time. I have a good feeling about it.

Part of Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project is/was keeping a resolutions chart. Like Ben Franklin and his  famous resolutions, she makes a list of resolutions, and scores herself on them daily. She explains pretty succinctly at that link why they work so well for her. I read the Happiness Project over New Year's weekend, and, though I think a Resolutions Chart would probably be useful to me, I did not make one.  I've never believed in New Year's resolutions, particularly, because I have always felt that I tried my best to do what I thought I should be doing all year round (not that I succeeded, but that I was trying) so there was no reason to make New Year's resolutions that, like diets, seem to be made to be broken.

So I continued my policy of not making resolutions, but I was obviously very inspired by what I read in her book (she appears in probably 1/3 of my posts, and a lot of what I write about has resulted from trying her suggestions), and I did jot down a list of things I thought of while reading that I thought would make me happier in the new year. It said:

• plenty project
• * time--slow down
• create at will
• be open to earning $$
• find people to play music with
• call friends; spend time with local friends; look for opportunities to create a network
• call not email
• reframe

In one of my first posts, I talked about reframing so that I would feel good about the few important things I had gotten done in a morning rather than focusing on the things I wasn't getting done. So this is where I am about to tie in the big rocks, but I have to stop for now. I'll try again later.

Abundance Measures, Part II

Continued from an earlier post. Continuing the list of things that can be ways to save money, but also create a greater feeling of plenty: Austerity Measures reframed as Abundance Measures.

• A garden. This one is sort of obvious, but, just think! With hard work, knowledge, and some luck, you can have so much zucchini you can eat it for dinner every night, share it with the neighbors, and still have to make loaves of zucchini bread to use it all up. I will try to post about my gardening adventures another time.
• Coupons. There are all these sites now that offer substantial deals on local or national products and services--even museum memberships! As with all shopping, one must be careful not to buy things one does not want or need just because it's half price. But I am always looking for ways to get to know our region, activities to do with kids, places to go on dates with my husband other than Home Depot, and new restaurants to try. We have gotten to try a lot of new things that have been really fun because of Groupon and LivingSocial. I also glance through those coupon magazines we get in the mail for new restaurants to try, and I have an old email account I use to get coupons from stores I go in often. 
• Memberships to local attractions if you have kids. Zoo, nature center, natural history museum. Even if the attractions in your area aren't world-class, if you have kids, they don't care. There's something so awesome about knowing you can go to the zoo FOR AN HOUR and not feel like you have to spend all day there to get your money's worth. And if you go often, the whole family starts to feel some familiarity and ownership of the place, and that, I think, is when you can really enjoy it. You know where the bathrooms are. You have a strategy for avoiding the giftshop. You know if there's a place you can eat a packed lunch. Plus, these kinds of things are great gifts to ask for from family who want to get you or your kids something but you feel like you already have more toys than you your kids can put away. 

Why it's a crime to say there's Not Enough Time

I always feel like and say there's "not enough time," but, really that's a) crazy, when you think about the age of the universe; and b) wasteful, when you think about the relatively infinitesimal span of a human life, or even of human existence.

If there's not enough time in my lifetime or in a day for all the things I'm trying to get done and check off my to-do list so that I can finally enjoy myself, where does that leave me at the end? It leaves me filling my life with racing around, focusing on the little things, while putting off being happy.

Another small victory in my struggle with Time (and how I feel there's not enough of it) Part II

Right. It's been a few days since I started this story. Here is Part I of this post.

So that morning, Tuesday it was, I had a haircut. And as part of an effort to be able to go to a wedding  and look nice, I had the woman who cuts my hair give me part two of a tutorial on how to do an updo, using the curlers I got for Christmas, hairspray, mousse, and bobby pins, none of which I have used for at least 20 years, if ever. So it was good, and I felt like I was working toward a goal, plus, I had a nice conversation with my haircutter, who is very different from me in a lot of ways (e.g., I have never in my life used hot curlers before), but I've been seeing her every few months for 3 years or so, and I feel like we are pals.

Then I did something that I am very proud of. Since I was already out, I had a long list of errands I could run: things that have been on the list for weeks that I could finally cross off, but weren't exactly urgent. So instead of doing the easiest ones, or the most fun ones, I looked at my list and thought about how much time I really had for errands if I wanted to be able to do my exercises and laundry and blog post and not be late for preschool pickup. I also thought about which things would actually improve my quality of life for the rest of the day or week or have long-term benefits if done sooner rather than later. Picking up the photos I ordered would be fun and easy, but might take a while, and could be done just as easily next week, while looking for a piece of 2-inch webbing to do my physical therapy exercises correctly would mean that I was able to start doing my exercises that morning. Picking up the base for the birdfeeder would mean getting to watch the birds out the kitchen window, but a quick trip to the grocery store would mean we had some staples we were running out of as well as something for dinner.

So I made my choices, and took the time to call around (even though I hate calling around) to figure out where I might find 2-inch webbing, and finally decided that the fabric store next to the grocery store that was on the way home would be my best chance, with an outdoor store across the parking lot as backup. Well. I went to the fabric store, asked at the front where to find the webbing, marched the the fabric counter, and found someone else who was buying some of the exact thing I needed! I chatted with her (which I really enjoyed) and then bought what I needed. I even thought to look for a coupon on my phone, and found one for 50% off! Then I looked at some craft things that I like that were on sale, but decided not to buy any. Lately, the thrill I get from deciding not to buy things is even bigger than the thrill I get from returning things I don't really need. Then I made a lightning-fast trip to the grocery, and made it home in time to exercise and write the first half of this blog post.

I felt really good about all these things. In the past, I would have been overly optimistic about how long things would take, and I would have tried to do all my errands, starting with the fun and easy ones rather than the important ones, and wouldn't have called around before shopping for the webbing, and probably wouldn't have found it or had time to exercise or blog.

So. When I stopped to put something in my kids' room on my way up to exercise, I saw the big basket of laundry to be put away. Normally, my mind would have immediately raced to my giant To Do list, and I would have had the world-falling-in-on-my-head feeling.

But this time I skipped that. I immediately thought of all the really valuable things I'd gotten done this morning, and actually felt really excited about the fact that I'd connected with people, gotten food to feed my family, enabled myself to effectively do my PT exercises, and learned how to put my hair up for dressy occasions, not to mention that I had been honest with myself about which errands could be put off and how much time I had this morning for errands. It felt like a big victory.

Abundance at the Mall (but not the kind you expect)

Today I was at the mall a few miles from our house, returning things (I get so much satisfaction from returning things; it's almost perverse). It's not the biggest mall in our smallish city, and when we first moved to the area, I found it depressing, because it seemed like a lot of stores had recently closed, and I couldn't imagine/believe that we had managed to move to a city that was more forlorn than Cleveland. The economy was going down the tubes, and what is sadder than an empty mall? Plus, there was a branch of the library at the mall, which depressed me even further. Shouldn't the library be in a grand old building in the town center? Apparently we had moved to a city with no soul, or, at least, no town center.

But little by little, over the past 3+ years, a whole wing of the mall has become something new. As I walked along today, I realized most of the spaces are now occupied, and lots of them seemed quite busy. Here is a partial list:

• Niki's Party Place: bounce houses
• Black Mamba (indoor) Skate Park: today they were having girls' beginning roller derby, as well as skateboarding and scootering
• Buff Body Works: kickboxing
• Central NY Chapter NRHS: huge model railroad display
• CNY Boxing
• CNY Triathalon
• CORE Fitness
• Home Run Softball: people were actually in there batting
• Pools Brook Driving: golf
• Rhythms of Syracuse: after school music lessons
• Salt City Improv Theatre: classes and $5 performances
• Syracuse Kung Fu
• Syracuse Martial Arts Academy
• Syracuse Musketeer's Fencing
• Syracuse Project 4 Our Teens (The SPOT)
• CNY Gym Center: huge gymnastics place
• Branch's driving school: cars; not golf
• CNY Artists.com

These are in addition to a children's play area, the library, and a movie theater. The mall has really become a busy place, with people taking classes, bringing their kids to classes, walking the mall, meeting people at Dunkin' Donuts, etc. I love how the mall now feels like a town center, and since it's Syracuse, its being indoors probably isn't a bad thing. It turns out the town does have a soul, it just happens to be at the mall.

The mall took an economic difficulty and turned it into something that makes me feel rich: so much to do so close to home, all in one place. Talk about turning austerity into abundance.

Another small victory in my struggle with Time (and how I feel there's not enough of it) Part I

Today I had an appointment for a haircut. When I first realized yesterday that I did not have a morning free of commitments other than my usual list of things like cleaning up the kitchen, laundry, exercise, blogging, etc., my first thought was Geeeeeez. Another day when I am NOT going to be able to mop the floor.

Now, don't get the wrong idea here. I have mopped the floor of this house once since we moved in three and a half years ago (now, again, don't get another wrong idea; until recently, we paid someone to come do a minimal cleaning once a month, which kept everything from being disgusting, if not actually clean, most of the time). It's not like I'm addicted to mopping. But now that I have 3 hours "free*" "every**" weekday, I feel like there's no reason I shouldn't be mopping my own floor at least once a month.

So now I am out of time, and all I've done is set this story up, but haven't gotten to the point. I will make this Part I and hope that tomorrow I remember what it was I wanted to say.

*free, except for 45 minutes of exercise, the cleaning of the kitchen, laundry, urgent errands, newly-prioritized attempts to lift my spirits by talking to friends on the phone or seeing friends in person, volunteering at school, prepping dinner, and, until recently, trying to get ready for Christmas, etc.


**every, except for when someone's home sick, or I have physical therapy, or I'm sick, or I have some other doctor's appointment, etc.

Abundance Measures, Part I

Last year at this time, due in part to the fact that we still own a house in a very depressed market in the city we moved from almost 4 years ago, we implemented Austerity Measures. It was actually a fun challenge. We (sort of) had a plan. We sounded like a European country. It was a Project, and we found that if we set our minds to it, we could buy very little other than food from week to week.

I should say that not buying things is something we're actually pretty good at, maybe too good at in some ways. At times we border on stingy. Spending money within one's means and mindfully is a beautiful thing. Indiscriminately not buying things that one can afford that would actually improve quality of life but not grossly negatively impact the world is just stingy, and does not bespeak an abundance mindset.

Well, after a few months, the particular crisis of a year ago passed, and gradually we let the project go to some extent. My husband and I are in agreement, however, that it would be in our best interest to spend less, to be more in line with our long-term financial goals.

I have decided, in light of my interest in Abundance, to reframe Austerity Measures, and instead call them Abundance Measures. In practical terms, these will be very similar. As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I think the two are different sides of the same coin in many ways. Here are some things that I think can be seen as both and why:

• Baking bread. I  started baking bread as a small way to save money, and it turns out that nothing says Abundance like freshly baked bread.
• Going to the library. I have a Masters in Library and Information Science, and have worked in a number of libraries. I hold libraries in very high esteem. I believe it is true that in hard economic times, libraries increase in use (if not in funding...). Not only can you get books there, but you can get music, movies, use of a computer, free children's programming like story hour, free classes for adults, etc. Your local library system allows access to more stuff than you could ever own, plus online catalogs can help you find what you want and have it sent directly to your branch. Talk about richness and abundance!
• Joining groups and seeing friends and family. It is my understanding that in difficult economic times, people find that spending time with other people is inexpensive but highly enriching.

Time to get the kid from preschool. That's it for now!

It is almost 9 am

Got back from dropping the kids off at school and taking a short walk, and I looked at the clock, and thought, Geez, it's almost 9 am, and I haven't gotten anything done. Then I decided to reframe:


It's not even 9 am, and I helped the kids get up, get dressed, eat a healthy breakfast, brush teeth, wash faces, and get to school on time, all with a largely positive attitude, little nagging, etc. Then I took a short walk. In addition, I have remembered to slow down a number of times, and have not given in entirely to a feeling that I am being suffocated by all the stuff that needs I would like to get done. I would say that those are some REALLY IMPORTANT things that you have done already today.

I also realized that at the same time that I obsess about whether it's right to send the kids to preschool, shortening the time I spend with them each day, and am I being selfish, etc., etc., I have a number of habits that lead to my not actually enjoying the time I do spend with them, because either I'm trying to get something else done (make dinner), or I am trying to get them to do something (get ready for school).